The "Lucky To Be Alive" Thread

[C. Flower]

Lordy save us!!

Man, aged 86, dropped his pruning shears and fell when he leaned over to pick them up. The handle penetrated his head via his eye socket and went down his throat.

All patched up now, with nothing to show for it except a swollen eyelid



http://www.breakingnews.ie/world/mir...ry-518447.html

[fluffybiscuits]

I was dreaming of a bloody steak and chips tonight but now now!

[TotalMayhem]

Last week in Bavaria:



After an engine failure this Cessna crash landed in a small town in Bavaria. The Pilot and the lady copilot only sustained minor injuries, nobody else got hurt.

[Captain Con O'Sullivan]

Lordy save us!!

Man, aged 86, dropped his pruning shears and fell when he leaned over to pick them up. The handle penetrated his head via his eye socket and went down his throat.

All patched up now, with nothing to show for it except a swollen eyelid



http://www.breakingnews.ie/world/mir...ry-518447.html

'His wife, speaking from an undisclosed location across the Mexican border, said; "I told the putz never to get into a knife fight with the Black Rose of Arizona. Goddamnit, Mom was right about that jerk from the start."

[Sam Lord]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwUEPhryTpw"]Lucky To Be Alive Compilation - YouTube[/ame]

[5intheface]

Right! I posted this elsewhere a few years back

I was wallpapering in a very respectable 'born again' home a couple of years back. Having spliced a bit above a doorframe, I descended from the steps as usual. Unfortunately, I was using steps which belonged to the people of the house and as anyone who uses a stepladder on a daily basis will tell you, that can be a dangerous thing.

The slight differential in height caused me to step for the ground too early and with hands full, I fell towards the door. Wearing a pair of jeans with a button fly, somehow the door handle managed to slip inside the fly and press tight against the ever so slight overhang of my stomach.

Because of the angle of the fall and the 'jamming' of the handle, I was just about suspended with the tips of my toes barely touching the ground. I couldn't move sideways and the pressure on the buttons was too great to release them.

Having abandoned what I had in my hands and mindful that the woman of the house was in the next room, I had to grab the top of the door and hoist myself up whilst at the same time wriggle sideways.

As soon as I did this, the door began to swing to and fro and to an eyewitness, I'm sure it looked like I was trying to have sex with the door. Thank goodness it was a solid door and frame ot the whole shooting match would have been on top of me.

Upshot was, I extricated myself with all the grace of a horse opening a bag of crisps seconds before the householder appeared.

Lucky to be alive? You don't know the owner of the house nor the exorcism he would have employed should he have caught me riding his door.


Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Spectabilis]

That was you 5? I'll have you know that door never worked properly again.

[Andrew49]

AN American logger who cut off all of the toes on his right foot after he was pinned by a logging machine says he was afraid it would take hours to find him and he might die.

Read more: http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news...#ixzz1WdRV1HHH


Link

[Griska]

Someone called me middle-class here one night.
They'll never know how close they came to feeling death's icy grip!

[jinnyjoe]

Someone called me middle-class here one night.
They'll never know how close they came to feeling death's icy grip!

Jaysus, I did apologise, will ye let it go Griska

PS Luckily I didn't realise my life was in danger that night, but sure with the wine inside me at the time I wouldn't have felt a thing anyway

[C. Flower]

Right! I posted this elsewhere a few years back

I was wallpapering in a very respectable 'born again' home a couple of years back. Having spliced a bit above a doorframe, I descended from the steps as usual. Unfortunately, I was using steps which belonged to the people of the house and as anyone who uses a stepladder on a daily basis will tell you, that can be a dangerous thing.

The slight differential in height caused me to step for the ground too early and with hands full, I fell towards the door. Wearing a pair of jeans with a button fly, somehow the door handle managed to slip inside the fly and press tight against the ever so slight overhang of my stomach.

Because of the angle of the fall and the 'jamming' of the handle, I was just about suspended with the tips of my toes barely touching the ground. I couldn't move sideways and the pressure on the buttons was too great to release them.

Having abandoned what I had in my hands and mindful that the woman of the house was in the next room, I had to grab the top of the door and hoist myself up whilst at the same time wriggle sideways.

As soon as I did this, the door began to swing to and fro and to an eyewitness, I'm sure it looked like I was trying to have sex with the door. Thank goodness it was a solid door and frame ot the whole shooting match would have been on top of me.

Upshot was, I extricated myself with all the grace of a horse opening a bag of crisps seconds before the householder appeared.

Lucky to be alive? You don't know the owner of the house nor the exorcism he would have employed should he have caught me riding his door.


Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Griska]

Jaysus, I did apologise, will ye let it go Griska

PS Luckily I didn't realise my life was in danger that night, but sure with the wine inside me at the time I wouldn't have felt a thing anyway

Just a wee joke, of course.
I reserve the death sentence for those who call me middle aged.
Actually, didn't you............................!

[Spectabilis]

Someone called me middle-class here one night.
They'll never know how close they came to feeling death's icy grip!

Middle class? Ye gods. That would be justifiable homicide as they say on the American cop shows. I'd have stood up for you Griska.
Now middle-aged? Sure that's a compliment from where I stand

[Sam Lord]

Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Sounds like a variant of traditional animism. Nothing too strange ...

[TotalMayhem]

Anyone seen 127 Hours?

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlhLOWTnVoQ"]127 HOURS - Full Length Official Trailer HD - YouTube[/ame]