Jokes!!!

[Andrew49]

A man went in for a brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon.

He could choose either a teacher's brain which would cost him €10,000 or a politician's which would cost €100,000.

"Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than a teacher's brain?" asked the clearly puzzled man.

"No, not exactly." replied the surgeon, "The politician's has never been used so it's almost like new."

[Dr. FIVE]

An American and a Soviet soldier kill each other in Afghanistan in 1980 and end up at the pearly gates at the same time.
Peter says" well, we have the same division in hell as on earth, but you may choose where you'd like to go. There is an capitalist American hell and a communist Russian hell."

American: what's the difference?
Peter: well, in the American hell you have to eat a shovel of **** a day.
Russian: and in Russian hell?
Peter: two shovels of ****.
American: I'll go to American hell.
Russian: well, two shovels of ****, it's not very appetizing I admit, but I lived a communist and I died a communist and I'll go to communist hell.

Millennia later, the same two soldiers end up doing sentry duty at the checkpoint at the border between American and Russian hell at the same time.

Russian: Hi hi hi! How you doing! Long time no see!
American: Hey! How are you, you look good!
Russian: how is it over there in American hell?
American: oh, one shovel of **** a day, it's not nice but you get used to it. How about Russian hell?

Russian: well, you know how it is with us, one day there's no ****, the next day there are no shovels. . .

[Baron von Biffo]

There's really nowhere else to put this -

Gump is to Receive the European of the Year award.

http://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/k...in-571693.html

[Baron von Biffo]

[Ephilant]

Things you always wanted to know. Or maybe not...

[PaddyJoe]

Plastic bags are back
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09iDdUDvmyg"]Plastic Bags by Seamus O'Rourke - YouTube[/ame]

[PaddyJoe]

There are rants and then there are real rants
http://gawker.com/5958673/unhinged-c...-obama-victory

[Ephilant]

From the BBC department of unfortunate headlines, 18/11/2012

[PaddyJoe]

Birth control pills should be for men. It makes way more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

[Baron von Biffo]

Birth control pills should be for men. It makes way more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Depends which end of the barrel you're on.

[Mick Tully]

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. In fact, he is so proud of himself and his ability to impregnate that he starts referring to his wife as "Mother of Six" despite her constant objections.
One night, they get a chance to leave the kids behind with a sitter and go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

[Mick Tully]

Are dogs capable of revenge.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...&type=1&ref=nf

[Baron von Biffo]

[PaddyJoe]

Wouldn't be too sure about that

[Mick Tully]

rego Hare
A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.
The witch doctor throws some herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says, "I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. Just say 'one, two, three' and you'll get the largest erection you've ever had. After your wife's been satisfied, simply say 'one, two, three, four' and it will disappear for 12 months."

Later that night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says to his wife, "Watch this! One, two, three!" His penis becomes larger and stiffer than ever before. His wife is amazed. She smiles and says, "That's great! But what did you say 'one, two, three' for?"
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