Jokes!!!

[yehbut_nobut]

Keep 'em coming!

[Baron von Biffo]

Meh.

[Justin Casey]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzP4FM3WqwY"]Eamon Kelly – "The Tae Man"[/ame]

[C. Flower]

"I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

[TotalMayhem]

[Griska]

My friend died doing what he loved - Heroin.

[BARNEYKX]

A woman goes to the Doctor, with bruises on her face. The Doctor asks: "What happened?" The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he slaps me around."

The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water does nothing at all...it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...."

[BARNEYKX]

First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body”
For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. Go ahead and do the same thing, he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and told them,
“The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention”

[TotalMayhem]

[SocratusO'Pericles]

My mother in law says she wants to dance on my grave - that's fine with me I'm being buried at sea

[5intheface]

Billy, a solid Orangeman from East Belfast came across a spaceship crashed in his local park with a man clambering out of the wreck.

'Where did you come from?' asked Billy.

'I'm from the future' replied the stranger.

'Pull the other one' Billy laughed.

'No, seriously' pleaded the traveller, 'I can tell the future, for example, I know you are about to ask me who won the Irish Cup in 2025'

'Wow!' said a stunned and very impressed Billy, 'and who did win it?'

'Linfield!'

'Excellent, who did they beat in the final?'

'Cliftonville'

'Oh it gets better' cheered Billy, 'and what was the score?'

'3.09 to 11 points'

[TotalMayhem]

Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut...

[Griska]

Statue Quo on ITV.
The craic starts at about 1.30


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6hFhC-eIg4"]Status Quo - Rock n Roll n you - live on DayBreak 24-05-11 - YouTube[/ame]

[Baron von Biffo]

In Amsterdam the sudden onset of illness in several members of the royal family is causing concern. Doctors suspect an outbreak of Dutch realm disease.

[TotalMayhem]

Celebrating the return of the Celtic Tiger King Maveli...