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Thread: Facebook and its discontents

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Facebook and its discontents

    Does anyone else have this problem : you accept a 'friend' request which you later come to regret?

    Now of course most requests are not problematic being from mates of your existing friends/ relations. The difficulty seems to arise when you are 'friended' by people you meet on some or other political or cultural forum. Sad to relate most of my awkward squad friends are folk I meet on Irish language learning pages. I have one poor waif who Pms me because women keep blocking him.
    But my worst case is a lady of a 'certain age' who keeps posting vile anti Obama stuff. Also anti Islam and so on. She is from Kentucky I think or some adjacent state and has a weird sentimental attachment to Ireland, although by her own account her family are from Britain. They stopped off in Ulster for a generation or so before heading West. I dread to think someone might see this racist crap so I asked her to stop. I am reluctant to block her , though, as I know she is very depressed and attempted suicide a few months ago. Has anyone else experienced these things? I'm almost frightened to visit my timeline now!
    Last edited by Donal Og; 06-04-2015 at 08:02 PM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Easiest thing is to remove them. However you can change settings to stop things they post from showing up on to your feed, and change settings to stop them seeing what you post. I have a few people with settings like that set for, can't delete them as they are related

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Thanks for the info Saoirse, I'll get the lads to do that, I'm too Luddite. My brother had a similar issue. He once posted in support of the people of Gaza. Cue a flood of wacky anti-Semites and guys with names like Muhamad el Jehadi ( I made that bit up) getting onto him.

    Irish Americans in particular seem to have some odd preconceptions about us; eg we are always up for a fight/**** up, we hate 'foreigners' - whatever that means and so on. And , most annoyingly, they only want 'Gaelic' as they refer to it for macho sounding tattoos. Or they want an Irish accent rather than the cúpla focail! Le sigh, as the kids have it.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Quote Originally Posted by Saoirse go Deo View Post
    Easiest thing is to remove them. However you can change settings to stop things they post from showing up on to your feed, and change settings to stop them seeing what you post. I have a few people with settings like that set for, can't delete them as they are related
    nightmare. For some people the worst thing is having one's mother intrude into FB life, surely ?

    Donal og - It seems likely that the person you describe has been blocked by most of the western world by now and has survived it. You are not responsible anyway for what this person does.
    “ We cannot withdraw our cards from the game. Were we as silent and mute as stones, our very passivity would be an act. ”
    — Jean-Paul Sartre

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Quote Originally Posted by Donal Og View Post
    Thanks for the info Saoirse, I'll get the lads to do that, I'm too Luddite. My brother had a similar issue. He once posted in support of the people of Gaza. Cue a flood of wacky anti-Semites and guys with names like Muhamad el Jehadi ( I made that bit up) getting onto him.

    Irish Americans in particular seem to have some odd preconceptions about us; eg we are always up for a fight/**** up, we hate 'foreigners' - whatever that means and so on. And , most annoyingly, they only want 'Gaelic' as they refer to it for macho sounding tattoos. Or they want an Irish accent rather than the cúpla focail! Le sigh, as the kids have it.
    There are two ways of doing facebook - public for topical chats with anyone and everyone, and private for friends and family. Having two accounts with different privacy settings may be the answer.
    “ We cannot withdraw our cards from the game. Were we as silent and mute as stones, our very passivity would be an act. ”
    — Jean-Paul Sartre

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Quote Originally Posted by Donal Og View Post
    Thanks for the info Saoirse, I'll get the lads to do that, I'm too Luddite. My brother had a similar issue. He once posted in support of the people of Gaza. Cue a flood of wacky anti-Semites and guys with names like Muhamad el Jehadi ( I made that bit up) getting onto him.

    Irish Americans in particular seem to have some odd preconceptions about us; eg we are always up for a fight/**** up, we hate 'foreigners' - whatever that means and so on. And , most annoyingly, they only want 'Gaelic' as they refer to it for macho sounding tattoos. Or they want an Irish accent rather than the cúpla focail! Le sigh, as the kids have it.
    Lots of Irish people do hate foreigners in fairness-I'd say about half the people I know. I am just too polite to say what I think about it publicly-for similar reasons to SGD.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Quote Originally Posted by Apjp View Post
    Lots of Irish people do hate foreigners in fairness-I'd say about half the people I know. I am just too polite to say what I think about it publicly-for similar reasons to SGD.
    Most of the people I know are quite indifferent to foreigners. Which is really amazing - in a good way. In this town , pop. 1700, there are 200 asylum seekers. And also many workers ( or lately welfare recipients) from the EU. To put it another way, we have 100 fewer asylum seekers than Sunderland, pop. 280,000, which is officially the most racist town in the UK. Go figure. But I digress.
    I will have a go at thinning out the racist, homophobic posters. So far - buíochas le dia - this does not include any relations.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Are you saying that you accept friend requests from people you don't know? I don't.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    well thank g-d for a thread for those of us who wish to unwind from heavy lifting.. Donal Og

    in my opinion there are many ways to use FB

    if you use it only for close friends and family you will more likely find yerself bored, yikes, this is like having Thanksgiving dinner everyday

    if you use it for public purposes unless you have a reason to keep a public profile you will also lose interest due to not feeling 'connected'..

    In FB you can't hide "You are who you are" and sooner or later (your FB friends) know you MUCH better than the casual one-on-one 'old type' of friends.

    You need to be aware of the fact that on the other side are the people that will get to know you the best.

    It is a great resource but it only works when you learn to tame the beast.

    If you are a passive user (use only for viewing others) you can simply hide the feed of the people that get in your nerves.

    If you are an active user (you post and like events often) then you have to be EXTREMELY careful about the company you keep

    for two reasons:

    1-these people will get to know you as well as a spouse (you fall in love and out of love with people, so be very careful)
    2-what your friends like and click is also factored into the algoritm that selects your newsfeed.

    There are two rules I follow:
    1- Keep my friend list under 200 with as many interesting people as I find (yes that means unfriending people I haven't seen or havent talked in a long time, every time the list goes over 200 cos I friended or was friended by someone i want to interact with, i browse thru the list to find the next 'friends' to remove). This is what allows the algoritm to spit out the good stuff.
    2- Unfriend people who insult me (@ first insult) or that get on my nerves repeatedly.

    So, more than 50% of people in my current list are people whom i've met in FB, friends of friends of friends, a good number of them i dont even remember who sent the friend request, and these are the people I interact with on a daily basis, or in other words these are my friends, the people i arrange meetings with when i travel to Europe or that offer a vacation home in the South of Portugal cos I am looking for a reco for a hotel ....

    Like real life FB only works if you keep friendships pruned, just like a tree of possibilities, if you keep the old stale branches you dont make room for new ones to sprout.

    I pretty much use PW the same way (replace unfriend w avoid), i found this forum thru a FB friend and when i log in here i act exactly the same way, it's all political discussions (some science) and often a lot of fun. For me, PW is the irish extension of FB. It gives me a good idea of what people are discussing in Britain (from a 'counterpunch' or 'opposition' point of view) without having to put up with the brits themselves (sorry if any of you brits reading this, nothing personal )

    (Ah: keeping in mind that absolutely everything you write in social media or search in google is recorded somewhere ... so be careful abt what you TYPE!!)

  10. #10
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    Default Facebook and its discontents

    For those pesky people who it's more hassle to unfriend than anything you can unfollow them and it takes them off the news feed. Either go in to their profile and click the friends icon at the top and select unfollow, or if you see them pop up on your timeline select the arrow on the right of the post and it should come up there.

    I agree with most of Random New Yorkers post. I'm of the mind that I'll only add people now if they add me and I know them to talk to "in real life". Facebook is a great tool if used right, something a lot of people haven't come to realise


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Oh no I see from Launchbury comment that my previous post was too convoluted !!

    It's the opposite

    I have never met personally most of my FB friends ... But I do consider them 'friends' in the true sense of the word ...

    (I will explain later )

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Quote Originally Posted by random new yorker View Post
    Oh no I see from Launchbury comment that my previous post was too convoluted !!

    It's the opposite

    I have never met personally most of my FB friends ... But I do consider them 'friends' in the true sense of the word ...

    (I will explain later )
    Mine are about half and half. Here's an odd thing - a lot of my sons' friends interact with me on FB. Whereas the lads themselves are happy enough to 'like' stuff I post but prefer to PM me rather than chat in public. I's that classic thing where other peoples parents are cool! - thanks again everyone for the feedback.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    It shouldnt be a Hassle to Unfriend certain people…. If you feel harassed or harangued in any way … just use it like in real life.

    It is best if used as a revolving door, as you progress through life you change, your friends change, you no longer revise yourself in what your former/old/friends think or say and you move on.

    So, in real life you avoid the “places” you are more likely to find such friends. Well in FB you defriend them cos the space is ‘limited’ …

    I understand that you may think “I CANT defriend her/him!” and for a long time I agonized over that thought. Then one day I decided to use it my way and that required a considerable amount of pruning, which involved defriending friends of friends I didn’t care about.

    If you want to take charge of your life and want to keep using FB then you HAVE to do it (imho).

    I signed up for FB cos my sister found it was the only place where she could easily post pix of the children so I started with family and only people I knew personally and soon I found out that for me that model does not work.

    So, most of my friends in FB are people whom I have never met but who I enjoy immensely via our everyday discussions … these are my ‘new’ friends and although I have never met them in person I don’t consider them to be a ‘lesser’ kind of friends. Quite the opposite (although I do make an effort to meet them in person when possible).

    Same here, I have no idea who the people I interact with are but if I am still interacting with them after all these years then likelihood is that we could be friends I real life. And for me this is also real life.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Quote Originally Posted by Donal Og View Post
    Mine are about half and half. Here's an odd thing - a lot of my sons' friends interact with me on FB. Whereas the lads themselves are happy enough to 'like' stuff I post but prefer to PM me rather than chat in public. I's that classic thing where other peoples parents are cool!
    that's really cool if your son' friends like what you post you know your son is keeping good company .. if they talk to you in the background WOW!! that's even better, another reason to keep using it

    as you can see as we chatted further you have been able to ID some advantages of the medium

    so, may I ask you remove the frowny face from the top of the thread? it adds negative flavor to 'its discontents' and i would like to use this thread to post funny 'off the cuff' comments that will ALWAYS be on topic

    [this is a good tool to shave the edges off some of the rhetoric that goes on elsewhere in the forum]

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Facebook and its discontents

    Another element of Facebook to mind is the extension of work into it. Increasingly companies are introducing policies around social media use. A safe rule of thumb is if you wouldn't say it in the street don't put it online!!




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